Walking through a department store at the mall, my daughter and I approached a mother, daughter, and granddaughter coming toward us.
Bouncing on the young mother’s hip was one of the cutest little ballerinas I had ever seen. She was decked out in a pink onesie covered in rhinestones, a puffy pink tutu, and a giant gauzy bow perched on her head.
I smiled at the trio as we passed, then looked at my daughter with that “Did you see that adorable baby?” expression.
Except my laughing face was met with a sour expression on hers.
Did I miss something?
“Did you see that cute baby?” I asked.
“Did you hear the grandmother?” she replied.
“No. I was too enthralled with the adorableness of the child and her doting mamas. Why?”
And then she filled me in.
The grandmother had apparently admitted to giving the toddler a bag full of cookies over the course of an hour to “shut her up” because she was whining. The toddler’s mom agreed that her daughter was a whiny child.
My daughter was incensed.
Meanwhile, I had noticed absolutely none of the conversation.
Two People. One Scene. Two Completely Different Impressions.
My daughter and I had walked through the exact same scene at the exact same time and walked away with two completely different impressions.
I visually soaked up the details—the adorable toddler, the pink tutu, the giant bow, the three generations together.
My daughter, on the other hand, had tuned into the conversation.
I couldn't tell you one word the mom and grandmother had spoken.
My daughter was clueless about what any of them were wearing.
Once again, I was reminded of how differently we are wired.
I tend to observe the world visually. My daughter takes in words and sounds. We can walk into the same situation and walk away with completely different pieces of the puzzle.
Which, by the way, would make us a pretty great spy team.
But that's a different article. 😂
Understanding Your Child's Learning Style
As another school year approaches, it's worth taking some time to think about how your child learns best.
Not every child absorbs information in the same way. And when we expect every child to learn exactly as we do, frustration can build quickly—for both parent and child.
Understanding your child's individual learning preferences can give you another tool for helping them engage with schoolwork and remember what they're learning.
Sometimes what looks like stubbornness, laziness, or not paying attention may simply mean the way we're presenting the information isn't connecting with the way that child processes it.
I learned this lesson firsthand with my oldest son.
My Son Needed to Move to Learn
When my son was young, I would get so frustrated because he couldn't seem to retain his lessons.
I was convinced he was being hardheaded and stubborn simply to torture me.
(I'm sure none of you have ever experienced anything like that. 😉)
Then I discovered Cynthia Tobias' book, The Way They Learn, and suddenly a whole new world opened up for us.
I began to understand that my son was a kinesthetic learner. At six years old, he benefited from physically engaging with what he was learning.
So instead of sitting at a table repeatedly going over numbers, letters, and spelling words, we got creative.
We:
- Shaped numbers and letters with clay.
- Used alphabet cookie cutters to form words with sugar cookie dough.
- Clapped out syllables.
- Hopped up and down the stairs while reciting spelling words.
And something changed.
He started remembering his lessons.
The problem wasn't necessarily that he couldn't learn. We needed to find ways to make the learning experience work better for him.
Learning Styles Can Help Explain Everyday Frustrations, Too
Understanding how our children process information can help far beyond homework.
I remember realizing that when one of my kids said, “I didn't hear you tell me to do such and such,” I couldn't automatically assume they were ignoring me.
Depending on how that child was wired, they genuinely may not have registered the information the way I expected them to.
That doesn't mean every missed instruction is a learning-style issue. Kids are still kids, after all! But understanding their individual strengths and preferences can give us a different perspective before we jump straight to frustration.
And sometimes, that little shift in perspective makes all the difference.
Before School Starts, Learn How Your Child Learns
If you're heading into a new school year already anticipating homework battles, forgotten instructions, or “But I didn't know!” moments, consider taking a little time to learn more about how your child learns.
Cynthia Tobias' The Way They Learn was incredibly helpful for our family. Her work explores different ways children approach learning and gives parents practical ideas for working with those differences.
You may discover that your child doesn't need more repetition—they may simply need a different way to interact with the information.
Maybe they need to see it.
Maybe they need to hear it.
Maybe they need to move.
Maybe they need a combination of approaches.
The goal isn't to put your child into a rigid box or excuse poor habits. It's to better understand the child standing in front of you so you can help them succeed.
A Little Understanding Can Change the Whole School Year
Parenting can be frustrating enough without fighting against the way our children naturally process the world.
When we take time to understand how they learn, we can replace some of that frustration with creativity, patience, and practical strategies.
And who knows?
You might even find yourself turning spelling practice into a dance party or molding math problems out of clay.
Whatever works, right?
Here's to a great school year—and to learning how our kids learn!
Have you ever discovered that your child learns very differently than you do? I'd love to hear what you've learned along the way!
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