Appropriate Discipline: Why Love and Boundaries Must Work Together
Last post, Miss Priss stormed out of class, destroyed a chalkboard, and openly disrespected her mom by ignoring instructions.
Remember when I said I had a bomb to drop?
Well… take cover.
The Truth About Fear-Based Obedience
It is possible for a parent to require a child to physically obey through severity. But here’s the truth no one likes to talk about:
A child who obeys only out of fear will stop obeying the moment freedom shows up—often when car keys grant independence.
Fear may control behavior for a season, but it never captures the heart.
Discipline Without Love Doesn’t Work
Discipline without love is ineffective—and often damaging.
But here’s the other side we must be honest about:
Love without discipline isn’t love at all.
Interestingly, both extremes often produce the same end result—rebellion. The harsh route just gets there faster and leaves everyone more exhausted.
The Power of Loving, Consistent Discipline
Consistent discipline paired with a loving, nurtured relationship creates something powerful:
A child who wants a parent’s counsel.
Too often, haste, impatience, and a sharp tone replace a kind explanation—when a kind explanation is exactly what’s needed in the first place.
When Misbehavior Is Really Misunderstanding
When Miss Priss created her dramatic scene, confusion about how the game worked may have been the spark.
This isn’t an excuse—but it is an important reminder.
I’ve seen children handled harshly and publicly embarrassed when the real issue was simple misunderstanding—understanding that was the adult’s responsibility to provide.
Children Act Childishly Because They Are Children
This truth seems obvious, yet we forget it easily.
Children don’t instinctively know how to behave. They need instruction, training, repetition, and grace.
Parents must teach children how to behave because children simply do not know on their own.
Discipline With Understanding and Kindness
Children need us to live with them in an understanding way while disciplining them appropriately.
They need kindness that quietly says:
“I think you’re cool—even when you’re frustrated, clumsy, or confused.”
A Small Moment With a Big Impact
The other day, I watched a young child spot his mom from a distance.
He ran toward her, smiling from ear to ear.
But his joy was met with a scowl and a sharp reprimand about running—rather than a warm smile and a cheerful, “Hi! I’m glad to see you.”
The child visibly deflated.
My heart broke for both of them.
That little one needed his mom’s smile and hug—and the mom, whether she realized it or not, needed his hug too.
Hugs Heal and Kind Words Instruct
Swift harshness pushes hearts away.
It should never be our default response to childishness.
When we deal with small matters while they are still small, emotions and behaviors are far less likely to spiral out of control.
Consistency during the younger years creates a much smoother road for both parents and children during the teen years.
Discipline for the Heart, Not Just Behavior
Seek wisdom in Scripture as you train your children.
Above all, deal lovingly in every situation—so your child doesn’t merely offer outward behavior modification wrapped in resentment.
The goal is something far better:
Heart obedience dressed in gratefulness.
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